BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY

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Unlike Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year, and the Fourth of July, all of which have identifiable origins, Valentine’s Day (like Halloween) is a holiday for no apparent reason.

Sure, there is evidence that St. Valentine was a real person who was martyred near the end of the 3rd Century. However, the Catholic Church has many saints and, but for St. Patrick, there is no secular holiday for them like there is for St. Valentine.

There is speculation that Valentine became associated with love and marriage because he was executed for secretly marrying Christian couples. And the phrase “from your Valentine” is said to have come from a note Valentine had written on the day of his execution to his jailer’s blind daughter whom he had healed.

No matter the origin of the holiday or the legend, February 14, which in 496, is the day Pope Gelasius declared as the day Valentine was martyred, has become the day we particularly celebrate “love and marriage.”

Today we take for granted that love and marriage go together, and in that order. But history doesn’t reflect this. Historically, marriage and children went together and love came later, if at all.

I am reminded of the lovely song in Fiddler on the Roof where Tevye asks Golde: “Do you love me?” Over the following verses, Golde avoids answering, saying (singing) that for 25 years “I washed your clothes, cooked your meals, cleaned your house, given you children, milked your cow…”

But Tevye insists: “But do you love me?” Finally Golde relents and responds “After 25 years…I suppose I do.” Then the two end in a sweet duet singing: “It doesn't change a thing, but even so. After twenty-five years…it’s nice to know.”

For most of history (and still in some parts of the world), marriage was about the survival of our species, not love. Our laws still reflect this reality.

A few years ago when Guam’s marriage laws were being challenged on the basis of “love is love” and we should be able to marry whomever we love, I did a study of the marriage laws in every U.S. state and territory, and the word “love” did not appear.

Here’s the relevant part of Guam’s law:

10 GCA § 3101. What Constitutes Marriage. Marriage is a personal relation arising out of a civil contract, to which the consent of parties capable of making that contract is necessary. Consent alone will not constitute marriage; it must be followed by a solemnization authorized by this Title.

10 GCA § 3206. Particular Form Not Necessary. No particular form for the ceremony of marriage is required, but the parties must declare in the presence of the person solemnizing the marriage that they take each other as husband and wife, or as spouses.

The phrase “or as spouses” was added after the 2015 U.S. Supreme Court decision legalizing same-sex marriage, but still no mention of “love.” So much for the argument “love is love.”

Even the famous case, Loving v Virginia, which formed much of the basis for the argument for same-sex marriage, never mentions “love.” (The plaintiffs’ name notwithstanding.)

The Lovings were a biracial couple who were denied married status in Virginia in 1967. The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that marriage between two people of different races could not be denied because marriage “is a basic civil right of man fundamental to our existence and survival.”

The Court did not spell out what “survival” meant because it was referencing a precedent case, Skinner v Oklahoma, wherein the Court spelled it out: “We are dealing here with legislation which involves one of the basic civil rights of man. Marriage and procreation are fundamental to the very existence and survival of the race.”

Of course this is a reflection of what God himself says to Adam and Eve in Genesis 1: 28. Upon creating them “male and female,” God doesn’t say “go and love each other.” Instead he orders them to “be fruitful and multiply.”

So where does love come in?

It really didn't enter marriage until the advent of Christianity. Prior to Paul telling men to love their wives “as Christ loves the Church” (Eph. 5:25), a wife was nothing more than a man’s property.

So it is fitting that a day dedicated to “love and marriage” is founded on a Christian martyr, a Catholic saint, who lost his head for marrying Christian couples, even if it's only a legend.

Happy Valentine's Day. Be fruitful and multiply. 

Tim Rohr has resided in Guam since 1987. He has raised a family of 11 children, owned several businesses, and is active in local issues via his blog, JungleWatch.info, letters to local publications, and occasional public appearances. He may be contacted at timrohr.guam@gmail.com