HELPING TOM BURY MARY - AND MAY 30, 1951

By Tim Rohr

A couple weeks ago I wrote a post titled HELPING TOM BURY MARY and wherein I set out some of the challenges my non-Catholic cousin was having procuring a Catholic funeral and burial for his Catholic sister. 

The issue in short was: while my cousin's "church" had a dedicated ministry to burying their dead at no cost to the dead or the bereaved, his sister's Catholic parish had a rather daunting price list of services.

My cousin, knowing I'm Catholic, contacted me for help and I agreed to meet with the pastor to discuss the matter and today was the day I met with him (the pastor).  

The pastor was an African, as a lot of them are in this area (I'm presently off-island). He had just returned from a few weeks away and I was his first appointment. I was quite sure that he hadn't time yet to check his schedule as he seemed a bit surprised to see me.

I was immediately impressed. 

The first thing Father did after asking my name and sitting down in his office was to launch into about a two minute prayer invoking the blessing of St. Timothy upon me and ending with a Hail Mary. I sort of wondered if he was testing my Catholicism when he went into the Hail Mary, so I prayed it audibly along with him. 

He seemed assured.

I thanked him for the prayer and told him I appreciated a priest who prayed. 

Bottom line is that after I told him of my cousin's challenges with trying to get his sister buried pursuant to her wishes for a Catholic funeral and burial and the charges my cousin was quoted, the pastor was perplexed, maybe even a little angry. He said "I'm going to have to talk to my staff. This is not the Church I belong to." (Referencing the prices quoted my cousin by the parish secretary.)

So no charge for anything, not the use of the church (and it's a church that is as large as the Agana Cathedral), not the utilities, not the priest, and not the services of a priest or deacon at the interment/burial at a cemetery at least 30 minutes away. 

Thank you, Father. 

Meanwhile, we intend to make a donation of all we can. 

P.S. As I was waiting for Father, I was thumbing through some documents I had re my deceased cousin and sort of rustling through my many memories of her, even though most of those memories were from many years ago. Then, near the top of one of the papers I noted her birthday. It was today, May 30, 1951. 

I won't say "Happy Birthday in heaven, Mary," because, as Catholics, we believe that only God can know that. But, as Catholics, what we do believe is that a proper Catholic funeral and burial will help her get there just in case she isn't there "yet." So I'm glad that's what she'll get. Finally. 

HELPING TOM BURY MARY

By Tim Rohr

Today I agreed to assist a relative (I'll call him "Tom") to bury his sister (I'll call her "Mary"). 

Tom and Mary were born and raised Catholic. However, many years ago, Tom joined an evangelical church (I'll call it a "church" for convenience) and Mary remained Catholic. 

Tom's church is like many such evangelical churches: tight-knit, responsive, outgoing, helpful, and very personable. Mary's Catholic parish is like many parishes: anonymous, unresponsive, inward, not helpful - at least not unless you ask...and ask again, and impersonal. 

God bless you if your Catholic parish is not like Mary's.

Recently Mary died. The only relative who cared about her was Tom. In fact, Tom was really the only person in the world Mary had. She died quietly of brain cancer while sitting next to Tom watching TV. 

The reason I'm involved, other than being a relative, is that Tom is having trouble getting Mary buried. 

Mary, before she died, made it clear that she wanted a Catholic funeral. Upon her death Tom called Mary's parish church. His call was answered by a parish secretary who had no idea who Mary was (she was always a quiet person) and reflexively read off the funeral charges from a price list. 

This is a side note, but perhaps one of the most important jobs for a pastor is choosing and educating the right person to be the church secretary, since this is the person who almost everyone, parishioner or not, will interact with first, and will always be seen as an extension of the pastor. Sadly, my almost constant experience is... Well, I'll let that go for now.

Long story short, the price of a Catholic funeral and burial - just the charges for the church, the Mass, and the priest, are a hardship for Tom since Mary died with nothing to her name and Tom has already used most of his own meager resources dealing with the other aspects of Mary's death.

Tom tried to negotiate with the secretary but she said he would have to meet personally with the pastor to discuss it and the pastor was on vacation for a couple of weeks. Meanwhile, Tom lives about 100 miles away. 

Tom called me for help. He was very nice about it. He didn't criticize the Catholic church, but he let me know that he is a member of a bereavement ministry at his church and that they immediately attend to the needs of deceased members at no charge and even provide a reception. If the family of the deceased can donate, that's fine. Otherwise, everything is taken care of - including the cost of a burial plot, casket, whatever, if that's what's needed.

What a great ministry. 

If our poor, publicly-battered Catholic Church ever wanted to restore its public image and bring alienated Catholics back to the fold, this would be the way to do it. In fact, it's already required that we do it as a Corporal Work of Mercy.

True, Canon Law mandates the following: 

• "Deceased members of the Christian faithful must be given ecclesiastical funerals according to the norm of law." Can. 1176 §1
• "A funeral for any deceased member of the faithful must generally be celebrated in his or her parish church." Can. 1177 §1. 
• "Regarding offerings on the occasion of funeral rites, the prescripts of can. 1264 are to be observed, with the caution, however, that there is to be no favoritism toward persons in funerals and that the poor are not deprived of fitting funerals." Can. 1181 

Note the word "offering." These are not "fees." And in "summary," a deceased Catholic cannot be denied a Catholic funeral because someone can't afford the aircon bill. 

Certainly our pastors know all this, but most "regular" Catholics do not. And they are usually not told. They, like Tom, are just read a price list by the church secretary. 

At Tom's church, when one of their members dies and the church secretary gets a call, the caller is immediately referred to Tom's bereavement ministry and they spring into action to see to everything that is needed. 

Upon getting Tom's call today asking for help to bury his sister in the Catholic way that his sister wanted, I did a search and found that there is a non-profit Catholic organization in Mary's diocese which provides assistance to bury the dead much in the way Tom's church does. 

However, Mary’s church secretary was either ignorant of this help or didn't care to share it. She just read off a price list and when Tom objected he was told he'd have to meet with the pastor who was on vacation for another two weeks and would have to drive 200 miles round trip to meet with the pastor when he returned. 

Meanwhile, Mary’s body remains in storage. I don't know what it's costing Tom, but it may be more than what Mary's church is charging by the time we finally get her buried.

I told Tom that I'd meet with the pastor and take care of it. 

Meanwhile, we have so many "ministries." Why not one like Tom's?

I'll join.