Friday, May 6, 2016


Dear Mr. Gennarini,

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima freaking culpa. You were right. Those people who met you at the airport with angry shouts and signs were misinformed. You see all this time I thought it was YOU who wrote those devious incorporation documents for RMS. You know, the ones including the illegal (not permitted by Guam law) the unelectable, unremovable, unappointed, Board of Guarantors which has all the power over the "affairs" of RMS right down to any check for more than $5000. 

And all this time I thought it was YOU who had overseen or even authored that clever document called the Declaration of Deed Restriction, which, as per the only existing valid legal opinion, is an instrument of "absolute conveyance in fee simple" of a mega-million dollar property to RMS which is controlled by that Board of Guarantors, which in turn is 50% controlled by you and your wife.

Yes, mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima freaking culpa, Mr. Gennarini. Because on Patti Arroyo's show yesterday, I learned that you had (to quote Sergeant Schultz) NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING to do with either the incorporation documents or the Deed Restriction. In fact, to my great remorse, I learned from you that these shenanigans were all the doings of Archbishop Apuron and that mean old legal counsel, Ed Terlaje!

And here, foolish me, I thought YOU were the one behind it all. Oh, mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima freaking culpa. How can I ever express my most sincere contrition and regret to you, Mr. Gennarini? How can I ever make it up to you? You truly are only a kindly old professor visiting Guam to give a class to our poor, needy, seminarians who suffer daily by the pool at their seaside resort. 

So you hear that, folks? Mr. Gennarini is completely clean. We got the wrong guy! All of you - since you are my "followers" (LOL) - need to make the same public mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima freaking culpa in the comments below.  And then you need to greet Mr. Gennarini and his beloved Claudia (who he left standing on the curb at the airport upon their arrival as he sped off in the getaway car) - all of you need to show your sincere contrition at their departure by greeting them with flowers and kiko songs and Guam chocolates as they bid farewell to the Isla Ladrones as they board United Flight 196 to Narita, May 9, at 12pm. Please don't change your flight, Mr. Gennarini, our people truly want to be there to make this all up to you. 

Meanwhile, I am hurrying to the nearest confessional. Maybe I'll get lucky and the confessor will be the masturbating primatologist and I will get the most severe penance. Oh, for my soul to be once clean again. Tears, tears, Mr. Gennarini. Tears. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima freaking culpa.


The Jungle 

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