Sunday, December 13, 2015

NEWS FLASH: ARCHBISHOP APURON LEADS BY EXAMPLE INTO THE HOLY YEAR OF MERCY

Agana, Guam - According to the news service Eye of the Ylig, great things are happening in the Archdiocese of Agana. 



Upon proclaiming the Holy Year of Mercy for the Archdiocese of Agana and after exclaiming Biba Santa Marian Kamalen Biba! The good Archbishop Apuron decided to lead his faithful flock into the Holy Year of Mercy by his own example. 

From atop the Cathedral Basilica, addressing the throngs of grateful faithful on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, the great and merciful shepherd showed his sheep what mercy looks like when he publicly restored Fr. Paul and Msgr. James to the positions he had removed them from. 

And he didn't stop there. As regards Fr. Paul, not only did he restore the good priest to his position as pastor of Santa Barbara parish, a tearful Archbishop Apuron publicly apologized for threatening him with an "arduous painful closure to his assignment," for locking him out of his parish, for stripping him of his ability to celebrate the sacraments, for insinuating that he was in a homosexual relationship with a former employee, for wrongly accusing him of building a secret staircase at the rectory to facilitate late night drunken sexual trysts, for illegally removing him as pastor, and for banishing him from the archdiocese.

Also - probably additionally moved by Fr. Fran Hezel's inspirational December 8 address imploring unity - a remorseful Archbishop Apuron publicly asked forgiveness from the Lastimoza family for dragging them through a media circus and causing irreparable harm to the family's children and probably hastening the death of Mr. Lastimoza's mother. 

In the case of Msgr. James Benavente, the Archbishop was the very exemplar of the Holy Year of Mercy, profusely apologizing to Msgr. James for his relentless public butchering of the "people's priest," and for never permitting Msgr. James the opportunity to defend himself. Upon restoring Msgr. James to his post as rector of the Cathedral and Director of Catholic Cemeteries as well as Director of the reconstituted Archdiocesan Development Group, the good Archbishop welcomed Msgr. James with a tearful hug and a series of mea culpa's complete with several instances of breast beating. 

But Archbishop Apuron wasn't done. Determined to lead by example, the Archbishop displayed a written commitment to have the mega-million dollar property he gave away to the Neocatechumenal Way in 2011 returned to the Archdiocese of Agana. Asked why he just didn't rescind the deed himself and immediately return the property, the Archbishop regretfully advised that he was not in control of the seminary and that the final decision to return the property lay with its Gennarini-family controlled Board of Guarantors. 

The Archbishop, continuing in the spirit of the Holy Year of Mercy he had just proclaimed, went on to:
  • Apologize to the former archdiocesan finance council for terminating them under false pretenses. 
  • Apologize specifically to, and beg the forgiveness of, former AFC president, Richard Untalan, who had been accused of a "vulnus" towards the Archbishop and threatened with excommunication by the Vicar General.
  • Apologize to Aaron Quitugua for lying to him about why he could not attend an off-island seminary and promised to sponsor him to any seminary of his choice in order to make amends.
  • Apologize for his public criticism in 2006 of the Prefect for the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Sacraments and promised to abide by the liturgical directives contained in that instruction.
  • Apologize for lying to the Catholics of his diocese for more than a decade about the true nature of the Redemptoris Mater Seminary and promised to make it a truly diocesan seminary.
  • Apologize for using his power to incardinate priests to give cover to the twice accused Fr. John Wadeson and further apologized for secreting him away after his record became public. (No word on whether he will advise the faithful of Wadeson's whereabouts.)
  • Apologize for his handling of the Fr. Luis affair and promised to make the details of his investigation known. 
  • Apologize for the misleading publication of an altered Certificate of Title which left out the record of the deed giving the property away forever to the Neocatechumenal Way. 
The Catholic faithful of the Archdiocese of Agana are indeed blessed to have such a holy, spiritual, and exemplary man as their bishop and guide. There was even some word that the Archbishop intended to publicly sacrifice a goat as a testament of his true commitment to the Holy Year of Mercy, but Pius the Putrid could not be found. 

44 comments:

  1. yes, and i also just won a $300 million powerball jackpot.

    also, goats may feel offended. ha!

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    1. Oh, if only this were true!

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  2. One step towards reconciliation. Final step needing resolution is the infestation of this NEO Cult in the parishes built through the blood, sweat and tears of our ancestors. True reconciliation would happen when the SJP II closes and the seminarians seeking real diocesan formation are sent to an accredited and affiliated institution off Island.

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    1. Anonymous 1:22 p.m. And don't forget returning the statue to Santa Rita parish along with the theft of funds raised for a new building. Also return the use of church chapels for the exclusive use by those who raised money and built them.

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  3. The statement anything is possible with God, is very true, except where it involves the free will of Man.

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  4. Wait a minute!! Am I being Punk'd?

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  5. You know, I'm all for forgiving and right now I'm not even sure if this is truly real. I mean I'm overjoyed and speechless but very thankful that our prayers have been answered. God Bless Guam and its faith in God.

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  6. I guess my sarcasm is a bit too subtle. Here's a hint: the news service Eye of the Ylig. For reference look up Eye of the Tiber.

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  7. Just in case some didn't get it, I tried to give a big hint with the sacrificing a goat.

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    1. LOL Tim; I really thought this article was real. However knowing the historical behavior of His Not so Excellent NEO Cult Presbyter Apuron, we know too well that his cold heart filled with earthly gain will never do what is written on this post...

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  8. Welcome to never never land.....where dreams really do come true.....this is all fictitious, NEO Cult presbyter Apuron will never abandon his NEO cult family. The KAKA is more fruitful (more worldly riches to be made) then when it was under the control of the late +Archbishop Flores. Back then the island was truly blessed with a spiritual leader who was ever loving and forgiving. A lot different from this "you can't touch me" wanna-be spiritual leader.

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  9. Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. -Lincoln

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  10. Though I said I'll try to hold back on my writing, this one is hard to resist!

    Thanks for the insightful satire, Tim. If any single one of those “corrective actions” was actually taken, it would have been a miracle of sorts! Because Archbishop Apuron is too far entrenched in his errors, none of those “miracles” has any hope of ever happening.

    It’s hard to even imagine that any of those things in your list actually took place, but – believe it or not – I heard from a friend of mine who had called him to ask if those “corrective actions” mentioned in JW were actually taken by the archbishop. I told him to tell his friend that that article in JW is a satire – written with tongue in cheek – and that none of it actually took place!

    This comment is written on behalf of those who may be tempted to think otherwise. It’s a good satire, reminding your readers of what the archbishop has done over the past years since he gravitated to the NCW. – jrsa. 12-13-15.

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    1. Thanks, Joe. Yes, just a little satirical exercise given the satirical nature of Apuron's pretend call for unity and mercy. LOL

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    2. Is this the actual picture on the Umatuna "Official NEO Cuit Newspaper. If so, the picture taken many years ago shows how vain this unholy man has become.

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  11. Fr.Matthew Blockley.December 13, 2015 at 4:21 PM

    Unfortunately his life and example do not match his claim to mercy compassion or forgiveness. Complete fake not an ounce of sincerity in this man.

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  12. Arch a bishop!! What you doing up there? Please! Don't jump! How come I didn't get a Christmas Card?

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  13. Thanks, Tim, for the laugh of the day! As for the 11th anniversary of the RMS Seminary, featured in a photo on PDN's Sunday Edition, wouldn't it be nice to know who, if any, of all those honored in years past as outstanding benefactors of the seminary were in attendance. All I saw in the photo, aside from apuron were seminarians. Where were the big donors of yesteryears?

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    1. Anonymous 5:16 p.m. It's harder to find trusting, stupid people to donate money to heresy now, thanks to Tim Rohr!

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  14. All calls for reconciliation i keep hearing about from them is missing one key ingredient: Admission by the guilty party. Really, can any form of reconciliation ever happen without it? Was half hoping Fr Hezel will at least allude to it. But nah.

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  15. Eye of the Ylig reporters caught Catholic blogger Tim Rohr in Tumon, and asked him for his response to Archbishop Apuron's stunning acts of mercy.

    "I'm just, just, over...overwhelmed.", said Rohr tearfully. He added, "It's making me rethink everything. Just everything. Especially about Kiko Arguello and the Neocatechumenal Way. Maybe, maybe, Kiko is right. Right about everything. Maybe Christ's death wasn't sacrificial. Maybe the Church did go to hell in a handbasket after Constantine. I, I...maybe it, I mean, the Eucharist, is just a sit-down banquet. This is hard, but I think that Kiko is a prophet after all. Maybe more."

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    1. His 1st couple of days back, Tim must have been resting. He was uncharacteristically gentle. With today's sarcastic posting pointing out the archbishop's hypocrisy, the real Tim Rohr is BAAAACCCCKKKK! Rejoice. Diana and Rudy go cry :)

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  16. Tim! My rolling eyes while reading...and thinking "wooowww, this kind of things I had never seen in any bishop from Spain or even Europe...or even anywhere...It's fantastic!".
    And the buble exploted.
    It's quite sad these things could ony happen in Rainbow's Land, isn't it? ;(

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  17. Looks like many peopleTim, better step up your game. Seems like your not affecting the mind of the community

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    1. ????? We were there to honor Santa Marian Kamalen, not the Archbishop. Who were you there for? Try taking a picture like this on a regular mass at the Cathedral with him presiding - no comparison.

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    2. This photo was taken many moons ago. Goes to show how vain a person full of KAKA will do.

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    3. Anon@6:11am; Your threat will become a reality as the catechists on island will direct thier KAKA filled zombies to fill in the pews of NEO Cult Presbyter Apuwrongie's 9:30am Sunday Mass.

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  18. Never too late, Archbishop to sign your name to that list of merciful actions. . . ! Except, no goat sacrifice; instead we'll kill a young calf and have a celebration at the Cathedral-Basilica grounds as the son we all thought was lost has returned to his Father's house! Ahh, how I wish. . .

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  19. For those of us who grew up with Tony we knew from the very first act of mercy cited by Tim that such acts were utterly impossible for a hard headed and hard hearted Tony.

    But it serves it's purpose to remind us about how REALLY UNMERCIFUL our shepherd is. Fr Fran's comments on Dec 8 appeared to be directed to the people, but the call to reconciliation was really directed to the pompous man in all his regalia sitting near to the Jesuit homilist.

    It sickens me every time the illegal prayer is forcibly added to every mass at his command, especially the part that talks about the courageous witness to the faith by our bishops. While this certainly applies to Archbishop Flores and Bishop Baumgartner, it certainly finds no reality to the current shepherd for kikos only.

    We have no respect for you because you have no mercy! You are also totally lacking in a spine and in pastoral concern for your flock. Your only concern is for the pack of wolves you choose to associate with, and temporal gain.

    You are a disgrace to all clergy but especially the episcopacy. And thanks to junglewatch the whole world knows you for what you truly are.

    Please advise when your next trip will be, so we can prepare a fitting send off and help you pack all your bags so there is no need for any further return.

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  20. Would that your article were true, instead of satire, apuron would find that the Catholic faithful of Guam are very forgiving, and sincere about it. Unlike his Neo handlers and hangers-on who are friendly to him only while he serves their purpose.

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  21. TIM got all his Jungle monkeys all stirred up!! Just give them banana. ''Stupid Apes ''

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    1. Anon 6:15, Just once could you Neo cowards step up and type your real name. Call us anything you want but grow some gonads!! Otherwise, get back into your cesspool where you belong!

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    2. Ah dear Anon, at 6.15, or is this Ruddy the rudderless pilipino from St Antony ?
      Just finished a nice meeting with some Benedectine monks who will introduce me to some influential Spanish Bishops that are on the warpath against Kiko, tomorrow for Lunch.
      Interesting how our little conflict in the middle of the Pacific, is captivating more and more people.
      Sometimes you don't need much to create a Catalyst. It would appear that many people, like our version of planet of the Apes.
      You think you can insult people with your little quips? Actually you are just demonstrating the rot inside Kiko's fruits.
      I can tell you, that your comment made a few people around our table, have quite a good laugh.
      You should remember the old adage: "don't pee in the wind, and you won't get your shoes wet."
      But perhaps this is a little over you primate brain?
      Peace!

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    3. THE MONKEYS SPEAKS!!! 2:58PM-3:52 AM

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    4. Yawn. Rudy. BTW, you got the number of your verb wrong. Here's a link to grammar.com. Use it in the future so you don't further embarrass the priesthood.
      http://www.grammar.com/Finite-Verb-Tense-Person-Number-Mood

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    5. Fr.Matthew Blockley.December 15, 2015 at 6:37 PM

      Frenchie I would put it like this.
      Archbishop Apuron you pissed at your own cathedral wall.
      And the urine is blowing back in your face!
      This is the blund reality.
      So many priests he destroyed I met another one Sunday night.
      It's why we need to lead an army to remove this man.

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    6. A few of the Filipino priests still renew their visas hoping that one day they will return to help. In the meantime, they would rather serve their perspective parishes despite the fact that most of the churches or their living are without airconditioners.

      As one would bluntly say, he would rather deal with the flood in his Barangay, sweep out the water in the rectory than to deal with the flood of controversial issues plaguing the island. As he mildly puts it, Archbishop Apuron is wrong.



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    7. Rudee You old Fart, quit looking at the mirror, your reflection is making you angry again. Yes we know you saw the ugly monkey again. Cry baby Rudee...

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    8. Fr.Matthew Blockley.December 16, 2015 at 12:04 AM

      A Filipino priest is better off in his own country serving his own people his own church rather than wasting his time and energy with the deplorable Apuron. Don't forget this archbishop has treated Filipinos badly . So let's not forget. Soon it will be time when Filipinos on Guam will need to stand and unite against this horrible man. For years he controlled priest's with money and visa. Well, Apuron we don't need your money or your visas. I can tell you Filipinos have more integrity in their lives than the little hitler you are.

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  22. so did apuron open the cathedral-basilica's holy door on sunday? i'm waiting for someone from the umatuna to tweet a picture with the hashtag #HolyDoor. if only the rest of the world knew how so far removed from reality such an opening would be on guam. what's supposed to be an invitation to repentance and reconciliation is just a facade on guam.

    speaking of fake doors and the #HolyDoor hashtag, here's a funny one from vermont. :)

    https://twitter.com/roccopalmo/status/676135532829741056

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  23. We are a divided Church. People are arguing, quarrelling, speaking ill of each other and other vile things to make their point clear. While there are rational and well-documented pieces, the feelings of anger and hate against injustices predominate. The archbishop as spiritual father should make a brave and sincere effort to mend differences that he himself introduced. He should take responsibility and resolve it. Merely ignoring and pretending division doesn't exist are not traits of a leader. By not acting he makes the division more bitter, more hostile and more degrading for all. In a small island such as ours, we cannot afford to have such rancor hang over us on a daily basis. This procedure seems elementary but lost on the conscious level of current archdiocesan leadership, rather, it is a grave lack of leadership. God help us.

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  24. Fr.Matthew Blockley.December 15, 2015 at 6:34 PM


    The archbishop is a vicious evil divisive man.
    He has destroyed priests
    He has destroyed a pacific region.
    And the message is loud and clear.
    Resign archbishop you are a disgrace and you are unfit to govern.
    resign before you are thrown out .

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